Saturday, September 09, 2006

Suffering From Sensory Overload

There’s too much information to be found these days. I am suffering from sensory overload. I don’t have time to keep up with all the news stories and blogs about politics while at the same time keeping up with the local news, checking on sports scores, reading my library books and spending an adequate amount of time with family and friends. It’s too much! I’m tired of this rat race.

Okay, so maybe it’s my fault I don’t have time for everything. I mean seriously, how many people HAVE to know the latest info about every subject. And it’s not enough that I want to “learn” more about every possible subject, I want to “do” everything possible too. I want to spend time outdoors exploring nature centers and parks. I want to clean my house better than I already do. I want to finish all the arts and crafts projects I have started, like cross stitching and painting ceramics. I want to spend more time writing. I want to handwash my car. I want to wander around the library. I want to go fishing. I want to spend more time with my photography. I want to have fun with my family and friends. I want to cook a home-made meal and have everyone over. I want to “do” and “learn” and “see” and “try” everything.

It sucks being this way. My interests are pulled in so many different directions that I actually don’t do any one thing really well. I am mediocre at all of my endeavors simply because I don’t have enough time to do them right before I am off doing something completely different. Don’t misunderstand, I do not have ADHD. Although, after reading back over this post, I can see how you would think that. But, I don’t. I CAN do one thing for hours and hours. Reading books for example, or painting, or exploring, etc. The problem lies in the fact that after I spend 2 days in a row reading a book, I get all pissed off at myself because I have gotten behind on everything else I want to do.

This is all made worse by the fact that I always want to make everyone happy. I have a split family because of divorce. With half-siblings from both parents there are a lot of times when I will want to go see my sister on my father’s side and my mother invites me over for dinner. Well, since my sister and my mom are no relation, we won’t all be having dinner together, so I don’t know who to upset. Unfortunately for my mom, she’s usually the one who gets disappointed. I know she takes it personally, but I don’t mean for her to. It seems like all my family and friends want me to do something with them on the same days. I always have to choose between everyone. I can't even have all of my brothers and sisters with me on my birthday without having two seperate parties. It's not just my family, I also have to decide between what I want to do and what my friends want to do. Because if they don't want to do the same thing as me, then I will be doing it alone. Usually I'd rather just do what they want to so I can at least hang out with them for a while.

There are actually some days when I just get so overwhelmed by my desire to be in 6 places at the same time, I end up not doing anything at all. I’ll just kick back in the recliner, turn on the Discovery Channel, and sleep the day away. It’s so frustrating. Does anyone else have this problem? Oh well, time to stop rambling on like this. I could be cross stitching right now. :-)

Tags: Rambling

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