A Letter To My Dog

Okay, I don't actually have an inside dog. But some of you guys do and when I found this "Letter to my dog" on the internet, I had to steal it and post it here. Even though it doesn't apply to me, it sure does crack me up. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did. Oh, and feel free to use it as your own story at anytime. I stole it, you might as well too.

A Letter To My Dogs

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years. Canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog butt.. I cannot stress this enough!