Saturday, November 25, 2006

Customer Support Jokes

You wouldn't believe how accurate these really are:

Tech Support: "Where in the building is your printer located?"
Customer: "Middle of my desk."
Tech Support: "If I have to give someone directions, where do I tell them to go?"
Customer: "In the middle of my desk where I work."

Customer: "It tries to log in and then gives this error number. I forget what it was...uhm...six one something? Or was it seven...? Four something? Or was it--"
Tech Support: "Ok. Open up 'Dial-Up Networking'."
Customer: "Ok. I double clicked on the icon on my desktop. It's now dialing."
Tech Support: "No sir. Click on 'cancel'."
Customer: "What? There's nothing here that says 'connect'. There's just a 'cancel' button."
Tech Support: "Click on 'cancel' please!"
Customer: "Oh, now it says it couldn't connect due to an error..."
Tech Support: "Click on 'ok' please."
Customer: "...of type 619. I can't click on 'cancel'. There is an 'ok' button."
Tech Support: (sigh) "Click on 'ok' then."

Tech Support: "Ok, ma'am, do you see the button on the right hand side of your mouse?"
Customer: "No, there's a printer and a phone on the right hand side of my mouse."
Hmmmm.... Let's try a different approach.

Tech Support: "Now I want you to click the right mouse button over the [ISP] icon."
Customer: "Yep."
Tech Support: "Did a menu appear with 'Properties' being listed at the bottom?"
Customer: "No! It just says [ISP], and there's two buttons, 'Connect' and 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "Ok, let's just try again. You must have double clicked using the left mouse button. No problem, just click 'Cancel'. Now, I'd like you to click the button on the right of the mouse, not the left, and I'd like you to click it only once."
Customer: "Now it says 'Create Shortcut Here'!"
Tech Support: "Ok, click on 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Left or right button?"
Tech Support: "Left, please."
Customer: "Now what?"
Tech Support: "Ok, let's just try this again."
Customer: "All right then, one last time."
Tech Support: "Right, ok, please click the right mouse button over [ISP] and please try and keep the mouse still when doing so."
Customer: "Which button is the left button?"
Tech Support: "Not the left button!"
Customer: "Which one's that?!"
Tech Support: (groan, sigh, urgh)
Customer: "Oh, never mind. 'Properties' is listed."

Tech Support: "I need you to click on the 'Start' button."
Customer: "Where is that?"
Tech Support: "It's on the bottom left hand corner of your screen."
Customer: "..."
Tech Support: "Did you find it?"
Customer: "Ahhh.... No. I don't see it."
Tech Support: "Look closely at your screen. In the bottom...left...corner."
Customer: "I don't see it. I only see button that says 'Control'."
Tech Support: "No ma'am, that's on the keyboard. The 'Start' button is on the bottom left corner of your screen. You know, the monitor. The thing that looks like a TV."
Customer: "Aaahhhh, yes!!! Ok."
Tech Support: "..."
Customer: "..."
Tech Support: "Well, did you find it?"
Customer: "No. I still only see 'Control'."

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